Winter's Mind
by ledez-dreams
Summary: A moment between Mal and River. Pre Movie but Post series. Mal/River but faint.


Everyone is in the cargo hold today. Serenity hums quietly as everyone bustles about. A brightly coloured sign up by the stairs reads "Shepherd Book." The names of each crew member listed below. Kaylee sitting on the stair writing next to each name, Simon leans over the rail watching her from up top.

"I'll make the cake for Shepherd's visit," she's going on cheerfully, listing tasks on the sign. "And I bet he'll bring some fresh provisions, I just have that feeling! Won't it be something to have some fresh fruit again! "And Zoe and Wash'll do the decoratin'... don't you just love parties?"

Over in the corner, Zoe and Jayne spar together while Mal and Wash work on stacking up the haul from their recent job. A half decent one, Mal reflected. The whole plan had nearly gone south only about half as often as most of their jobs. So only a few cuts and bruises to contend with, and not a bad payout. They'd fly another day.

The only solitary figure in the bay lays down on an old lounge chair in the corner. Mal glances at her a few times as he works. It's not a good day for River. She's quieter than usual, even said a little bit of her crazy talk at breakfast this morning, and that much crazy has been getting rarer by the week. She stares up at the ceiling, unmoving. Today she looks a lot like the girl who had first come aboard this ship, not the girl he increasingly includes in his mental tally of _crew_. It's odd that Simon isn't at her side, although he has been a little less attentive than usual in the last weeks. Mal figures he's trying to hold back a little, give River the chance to work out some of her own problems. Although looking at Simon and Kaylee these days, he doesn't think it's entirely unselfish a notion Simon has. But that doesn't make it a bad notion, not by a far cry. At some point people have to make their own way, Mal figures, and the less Simon cottles the girl, the better she'll eventually be. Her friendship with Kaylee is strong, and even her and Zoe seemed to be getting on better these days. Bad days are getting fewer and farer between and isn't that something. Mal in some ways is more patient with her than Simon, Simon having so many _expectations_ from River to_ get better_ that Mal doesn't. He's definitely pretended at times to have a harder line with her than he actually feels. But he's the Captain, he has to hold the hard line. With no more room left for cargo, Mal moves in her direction.

"See your name on that sign Kaylee's fixing up over there River?" Mal throws over his shoulder as he passes by River with some boxes. "I see you have a couple of chores for the party you'd best be thinking about gettin' to, not sittin' around dreamin' all day!" He goes to work stacking on a shelf close to the chair and when he's done, turns back.

She isn't looking at him, but one long graceful arm reaches out to him, dangling in the air. He regards that arm for a second, stretched out towards him. It's unlike her somehow. Mal hesitates, then takes her hand and sits down beside her. He's never held her hand before. It's soft and small, but he can feel a strength in it too.

"What's got ya all broody on this fine starry day darlin'?" He asks gently, releasing her hand but sitting close. She's still looking up at the ceiling, seeing something there only visible to her. Mal looks around the room and comes to rest his eyes on Simon, who's attention is now on him. They make eye contact, Mal expects disapproval or suspicion but Simon surprises him by smiling slightly. He nods back.

She doesn't say anything for a while. He doesn't mind though. He watches Wash as he finishes up the last of the stocking. Finished, Wash quickly pecks Zoe's sweaty cheek and ascends the stairs, off to the cockpit. Zoe smiles and goes in for another round with Jayne. When River does answer, it's not a reply to his question.

"There was snow on Memphis. Cold." Memphis, the tiny moon orbiting Angel where they did their last job. Not the nicest of places he's been by any stretch, barely registers on any maps of the 'verse, unless it's a local map of the area.

"You weren't down there" Mal pointed out. "But cold it was, you're not wrong. Worst snowfall in five years they said."

"Didn't have to be down there. I felt it. Through you. You're good at working through the cold." River answered. A mite unsettling that is, for her to sense something like that from him, especially when she was tucked safe on the ship the whole time He, Zoe and Jayne had been the only ones down on that moon. Unsettling. But only a mite. He's getting used to her ways.

"Memphis isn't supposed to be a cold place. The name doesn't fit."

"Memphis, wasn't that the capital of the country of Tennessee?" Mal tried to remember, most names of the terraformed planets had some link to Earth that was, though damned if he could keep track of all of them. "Wasn't a cold spot I take it?"

"It was America on earth that was. Tennessee was only one of the provinces. They called them states. New York, California, Hawaii." She smiled at the mythical names. But Memphis didn't start there. It was also an ancient city of the Egyptian ones. Pyramids, Pharaohs, hieroglyphs. The old Kingdom. Blistering heat. A desert with one ribbon of water splitting it down the middle. That was thousands of years ago. It's an old name. A hot name."

"That a fact." Not for the first time, Mal realizes how much intelligence hides behind the eyes of this girl, below the surface and out of reach most of the time. "Not sure why they picked a name like that for such a cold border moon then. Certainly ain't 'cause of all the pyramids. Nor the heat."

They sit again in silence. It's a peaceful day, Kaylee's quiet now and her eyes narrowed in consideration, looking at her sign and all her assigned chores to prepare for Shepherd's party. Will be good to have him on board again. Simon's sitting beside Kaylee now and the pair block the way on the step. Mal thinks it won't be long before something gives between the two of them. Doctor isn't the worst for little Kaylee, he allows, and it's nice to see her happy. She'll maybe even do the doctor some good.

"I'd like to see some things for myself instead of through you," River says after a few minutes. Mal turns his attention back to her. "I used to dream of seeing every single planet when I was young." She sits up, stops looking at the ceiling and turns towards him. Her eyes are clearer than he expects them to be. "I've hardly seen any of the places we set down to," she points out. He considers this and realizes she's right. When her and Simon first came aboard, it seemed safer to keep them out of the way, out of sight. She's never seemed to mind before. He wonders if she's gettin' itchy to see the world. Ship could certainly get to be a bit confining, probably made worse for a young girl with no one her age around. Not really the place for a young lady when Mal thinks of it.

"Just to look Captain," River says, sensing his thought. "I've no notion to ever leave Serenity. It's the only home I need. And all of you are the only people I need." Simon was right, River sure loved this ship. Sometimes Mal wondered if she was just about the only person, other than Kaylee perhaps, who understood Serenity as well as he did.

"Well the lookin' sounds like a plan I could get on board with darlin'. Maybe someday we'll find some work to get us out to Atlas. You can see the mountains, I hear they're the tallest peaks of all the planets. And are they ever a sight to see. One of my favourite places in the verse I reckon. Snow on the tops of those mountains even in the hottest summers. She's a beauty." He falls quiet, thinking of the beauty of Atlas and that it certainly wouldn't hurt to head a course in that direction sometime soon.

"I never saw snow before I came to Serenity," River said. "Osiris didn't have snow, even in the cold season, just rain. Then at the academy there were no seasons. They said there was but those were just lies. It was always long, unbearable summer days." Her eyes darken and she looks him straight in the eye. "But it was winter in my mind."

"Yes darlin, I bet it was," Mal replies softly, regarding her. Must be a little crazy himself, the way some of those mysterious things she said make perfect sense to him. Not for the first time, he finds himself wondering at the memories that keep her up, make her crazy at times. He doesn't know what had happened to River in that Alliance academy. He does however know something about having a childhood cut short. Yes, does he know something about that. The war is long past, but in some ways it'll never be over. He reaches out, rubs her shoulder. Her skin is warm to touch despite that slip of a dress she's wearing. She sighs and leans into him.

"Most core planets don't have snow" Mal said, stroking her shoulder more gently now. They don't find value in the seasons the way they should. Having actual weather and storms wouldn't fit with their perfect city planning. Lots out here though that have seasons a plenty. Storms back home where I grew up could be wicked in both summer and winter. They weren't near as fussed getting all the weather controls right with the outer ring. Can't say that I minded, even though there was often more cleaning up after a big storm. Seeing the changing seasons though, there's value in that. Spring and the melt, the harvest of autumn. Harvest is the real new year out here even though we celebrate _Guo Nian_. Seasons help mark the years of a good life planetside." And isn't he just getting downright philosophical.

"The sow and the reap," River replies. "Harvest moons"

"Just so little one." She looks at him again. Mal's hand is on her shoulder still as he studies her face. She looks to him like her head is about back to being screwed on right. He doesn't know what it was that was bothering her exactly, but whatever it was, it seems to have passed for the moment. She knows it too.

"You brought me back to whole" she marvels. Normally when she has days like this, they can linger for up to a week. Then Simon changes her medication regiment, puts her into a stupour for another week before she comes out on the other side, a little dimmer. She's relieved that won't have to happen this time. The storm has passed.

Mal understands what she means. "It will get better still," he says gently. He touches her hand again and she looks up at him with those soulful eyes. So much older than the body they inhabit. "I don't need to know everything about where you been and what you seen to know it's all that experience that makes you feel like you do, and not the person you are. But you're strong, stronger than you or probably any of us realize you are. You are going to get better, every day. Not me, not Simon can do that for you, you'll do it yourself." He grins. "But we'll all be here to help you along the way." Mal reflects, as he has been more often lately, that soon it will be time to approach the doctor on taking her onto missions. Time to put those psychic skills to good use. Lord knows they could use help from that corner on some of the jobs they do.

She smiles suddenly and it's blinding. He sees his thoughts reflected back at him through her eyes. "I want to come next time," River replies, hopeful. "I want to be of use."

Mal nods sagely. "Being useful's one of the best ways to get better, takes your mind off what ails you, far as I see it. Gives you something new to fill up with," a wry smile. "Not to mention, no one has talents quite like you. We'll have to have a word with Simon about that. Don't imagine that will be an easy conversation to have. Might be some raised voices." She laughs.

"Simon takes care of me" She says, very fondly. Real love there, plain as day on her face. It makes her beautiful. And it strikes Mal, for it's the first time he truly sees her that way. Not that he doesn't know she's a beauty, but he's always only seen that as an objective fact and didn't consider it one way or another. Beautiful would never have been first word he'd have used to describe River Tam. But beautiful she is, looking up at him right now. Innocent, with no wiles, one of the purest looks he's seen from a woman and he's seen a few. _Woman._

It stirs something strange in him. He suddenly realizes that the room has become silent and with that realization, the silence is getting louder. He looks around and notices that everyone has drifted off at some point during their talking and the cargo room is empty, save for the two of them in the corner. He turns back to River, stares at her a moment before he finds himself touching her face, a gentle palm on her cheek, then brushing her hair back. The smile on her face stays soft and she leans slightly into his palm.

_I could kiss her right now_, he thinks for one wild, strange moment. The second the thought forms fully in his mind, Mal drops his hand from her hair like it's on fire. He hopes it wasn't so quickly that she notices. He gives himself a shake.

"I'll have a chat with Simon," Mal says hastily, standing up, hands going to his holster on his hips. "We'll bring him around and get you pulling some real weight around here. Do us all some good having you to watch out for us on jobs, and won't hurt you neither."

River nods. "I'd like that. Soon." He nods back. He feels clearer now than he did a moment ago and he's glad. The verse is as it should be.

"Now go find Kaylee and see what chores she has fixin' for you. There's plenty more than just jobs planetside that you can be doing around here to be of use." He uses his best Captain voice, but he grins to show he only means it half serious.

River reaches out the same arm that pulled him down to sit with her earlier and holds his hand again. "Thank you Mal." She says quietly. And there it is again, that stirring in him. He holds her hand only briefly and then lets go.

"Any time little one, any time." As he walks away, he gives his head another shake. He's not sure what came over him. _Silly thoughts. _But it lessens as he walks away, and he's forgotten it by the time he's out of the cargo bay. Mostly.

River sits in the chair a while longer after he leaves, pondering. She's alone now, yet far less alone than she felt half an hour ago. A slow, different kind of smile spreads across her face. A new feeling, foreign, but not unpleasant as she turns it around in her head.

"Not so silly." She whispers, only to herself.


End file.
